You Don't Have to "Make it Happen"

For years, I lived under subjection to the lie that my singleness was my responsibility.  If I wasn't happy being single, then I needed to do something about it.  I had to make love happen. I had to make a relationship happen. It involved me being a very frustrated single throughout my 20s.

Over the past several years, which coincide with my conversation, God lead me to books and blogs that challenged my previous thoughts about love and relationships.  For the first time I believed and accepted that:

• God is capable of writing my love story--my life story, actually.
• God knows the end from the beginning anyway.
• I don't have to compete or orchestrate or "do" anything.

This notion of doing or pursuing is an inherently masculine trait. All women struggle with this especially since the first woman, Eve, took the initiative and took the forbidden fruit from the evil one.  (Adam's passivity is still suffered by sons of Adam today, but that's for anothe blog post.)  In addition the feminist culture has taught women to be aggressive and create our own way.  In matters of the heart, we are encouraged to hunt and capture our prey.  Even if we don't ascribe to this totally aggressive approach to relationships with the opposite sex, we can still fall under the fear of not doing enough to market ourselves or capture a guy's interest.

As a daughter of the most High God, I don't have to compete.  He orders my steps.  My will is to rest in His will.  "Fiat mini..."  Let it be done to me according to His good pleasure.  What I am called to be is HOLY.  That is my task.  Full stop.  Holiness.  I should be striving for heaven and if God decides a husband will help me to get there, then He will place him on the path.  We will both be living with an eye towards heaven.  

So while I try to look my best or dress well or wear makeup or cultivate my mind, these are not to "catch a man."  These are the effects of living a balanced and ordered life.  What I desire is that a Godly man sees Christ in me and is drawn by that. If he happens to like the outer packaging that's great too.  So no more striving to be noticed. No more trying to be seen.  You will draw everything to yourself just by being yourself and trying to live a holy life.