"...it was in these matters of the heart that my own heart was sifted and scoured and exposed, the process of purifying begun.” Elisabeth Elliot

Sunday, December 21, 2014

Advent: A Season for Singles

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I was doing really really well until today, the 4th Sunday of Advent.  Maybe it's because I've been so busy, and on the go that I didn't have much time to feel lonely this holiday season.  However, today after Mass, it just hit one out of nowhere and the weight of my loneliness crushed me.  I went home, took my church clothes off, put on some jammies then went to bed.  The tears started to well up inside, but they didn't fall.  Somehow I dozed off into a restless nap.

I felt angry, hurt, and then resigned--this is it.  This is how it's going to be.  This is my life.  I am alone.  I may always be alone.  Although I feel as if I'm doing my part (living out my faith, partaking of the Sacraments, supporting myself, giving to those in need when I can, mentally and emotionally preparing for marriage/motherhood, putting myself "out there" and making myself "findable") nothing seems to be happening.  The dream of marriage and family seem to be slipping away with every passing day.

I've been receiving Father Robert Barron's Advent reflections which are very poignant, honing in on the feelings of longing and even despair that can accompany a season of waiting.   Singles can really understand the Advent message of waiting and preparation.  Sometimes, we fall short on the hope of Advent as we don't know if our dreams will ever be realized.

However, remember that the difference between our season of waiting and Advent is that we know the outcome of all the long years of waiting that the Israelites endured.  The Messiah was indeed born!  So, we can wait with long faces, uncertain of what will happen during our time on Earth or we can wait expectantly knowing that our hope isn't in this world but in the next.  I know it's hard to look towards the hope of the next life, but we must.  Our value and hope isn't in our marital status or whether we become parents or not.  Our hope is in a Savior who was born 2000 years ago.

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